Going on seven days with no voice is hard for a guy who makes his living speaking. A thousand things have swirled around my head to write. For one thing - we are loud people! I was whispering with a couple students, one who spent a couple summers in Europe and he said that they are much less loud than Americans. Since it's usually loud and rarely are their pauses in conversations I have found it hard to interject my hoarse whisper. No-one hears me. Unknowingly and without malice they "run over me." I'm not upset. It does remind me that the proverbs about a man who holds his tongue, with many words sin is not absent...caring for the weak...these are all true.

I've also learned that though I'm still the youngest of three with all the baby characteristics I'm sick of being pitied. Especially the sentimental  smile and half-frown gesture followed by, "I'm sorry." I'm sure they are but for some reason it doesn't help. Maybe it should.

Some days I'm up and some days I'm down (like usual!). It has had it's funny moments. A friend after hearing me try to speak said simply, "Zechariah." Taking that as a "sign" from God the next morning with excitement I turned to the minor prophet for help. After a few chapters I looked ahead to see where he goes mute or loses his voice. I couldn't find it. In fact, I didn't remember it though I haven't read that prophet lately. Being the legalist I am I finished the book with a little skimming. There was much good stuff about God returning to the returning, many nations being reached, the high priests dirty garments getting exchanged with clean garments...but, there was also alot of hard stuff about God being angry. I didn't know God was so angry so much. That's probably why I am reluctant to read the prophets. I don't want to realize the curse the curse is and how evil is evil much less my part in it. I saw my friend the next morning and asked why he pointed me to Zechariah the prophet. He responded, "Zechariah at the temple when Jesus was born. The father of John the Baptist!" What was I thinking? So, I read it this morning! It encouraged me that after many years his prayer had been heard though for the longest time not answered. It encouraged me that it was eventually answered. It also encrouraged me that one of the priestly division, upright in the sight of the Lord and observing all the Lord's commands blamelessly wasn't blameless and lost his voice for a season because of it. Seven days is long. Nine months is longer. Some don't ever speak or have the mental capacity to speak. There dancing in the New Heavens and New Earth will be a bit more energetic than most when their prayers are answered.

I have also been offered all remedies under the sun and NONE, I repeat, NONE have helped.

I have also noticed when whispering people begin whispering back. The room gets calmer and quieter. I finally went to see the ENT today and remarked (again, coarsely) how quiet his office was. The nurse explained that the Doctor has a calm and quiet voice and that seems to set the tone. Now I know why my wife rarely raises her voice and seems to command more respect than me.

Silence isn't bad, especially for a mininster. My friend and boss who just got off a month sabbatical recommended that we take a day a week and don't use email, text or the phone. I plan to do that on Friday mornings (too chicken to give up a whole day). Of course I'll be pining away to check my messages but hopefully God will pine away at my busyness and reliance on being contacted.

I've had a hard time listening. Not responding. Not putting in a word. It is still hard but is growing on me. That may be the sole purpose God has in this. I am not quick to listen and slow to speak no matter how hard I try.

I've begun to enjoy relying on others. It's the BUSIEST season for my job and I've been HELPLESS! Personally. But, many have stepped up and helped. My wife, my kids, my best friend, my intern, my students.

What will it be like to kneel silently before the Lord? What would a worship service be like with periods of silence and reflection, prayer and listening, lingering? As my boss and friend said about his sabbatical - I had many bored moments and I like boredom. I've had much silence and am beginning to like it.

Thanks for reading.