Blog

For Liberals (and Conservatives)

Thu, 13 May 2010 07:50:26 -0400

I have been reading Matthew lately and it's no stretch to say that Jesus has alot to say to Conservatives. As many have said he reserves his strictest words for them. He not only spars with them but he initiates contact. He picks fights, speaks brutally honest and seems to invite his own demise at their hands. At one point he pronounces woes on them. He calls them out for specific sins and gives them the business knowing it will cost him his life. The strangest part is that at the end of the chapter he cries out to them to come to him. He mourns their refusal and longs to gather them like children under his wings but they will not.

Two things jump out: I am more closely alligned with conservatives. I believe the Bible, tend toward all their mishandling the gospel and push Jesus away all the time. I also see it and don't like it and would rather notice other conservatives shortcomings and pick on them. I want to be the Christian that along with Jesus critiques both the right and the left. But, here is where Jesus is VERY different. He longs for conservatives to repent. He wants them to turn from depending on their righteousness to depending on his. He wants them to give up their willey ways and come. I'm not sure I do. At the end of the "7 woes" that are aimed at them he calls them to himself. One only has to hop, skip and jump to Isaiah to find the first woes where God calls woe upon himself. "Woe is me" my mother used to say. Little did she know what that meant for God. "Woe is me" says Jesus. Woe unto me, upon me, instead of you. Let me take it and you take me.

Even Liberals would agree with that. It shows the love of God, right? But, how can they when they continue to disbelieve either parts of the Bible or all of the Bible? Jesus didn't say much to the liberals. Mostly the ones who came to him seem bent in that direction. They seemed to get it quickly. The ones who didn't seem to be the "intellectual liberals" not the "broken down, I need help liberals." At one point when they are testing him about the afterlife (which they were too smuggish and smart to believe in) Jesus does something old-fashioned and conservative, he quotes the bible. Not only that he confronts their unbelief and takes them to task. "You are in error," he says, "because you don't know the Scriptures or the power of God." Wow! Now that was unmodern of him. Does he really believe in either? Uhhh...not only does he quote Noah, Jonah, Moses, etc...He points to himself as the fulfilment of all the OT. He says they all spoke by the Holy Spirit - that agents which is the power of God and wrote the dang thing - all of it according to the NT. It's funny how those two go together, power and scripture.

If Jesus and his word can't trump all of us (liberals and conservatives) or both parts of us (the left in me and the right in me) then we are without hope. If the Bible isn't true then the life, death and resurrection are hogwash and carry no weight, no power. But, if they are, then "blessed is he who keeps the words of this prophecy..."

"Heaven and earth will pass away but my words will never pass away." Thank God.

More On God Saying NO

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 09:20:02 -0500

I've been reading the Gospel of Matthew and am amazed at how often Jesus says, "Yes." He heals with a word, instantly, immediately. He "drove out the spirits with a word and healed all the sick." When we deal with issues, struggles, sins, sickness, temptations I don't understand why Jesus doesn't "say a word" and the problem is gone. There are prayers my wife and I have prayed for over a decade and only once can I remember something happening that seemed a direct answer and that was about 3 weeks after the fact. And, over time, the problem got worse. Then my mind gets theologically fuzzy. Do I not have enough faith? Am I not praying the prayer of faith? Some of this is on the forefront because a dear sister just passed away suddenly. Many prayed. We prayed. She went on to be with our Lord.

Here are some random thoughts to the question of which I'm not sure that I'm asking:
1. The immediate healings were at particular periods of big-time redemption. IOW: When did most healings occur in the bible? Moses, Elijah, Jesus and the Apostles. Other than that most of the history of God's people lacks the miracles. Why would I argue against miracles? I'm not. I'm simply trying to makes sense of what the bible says about them and go from there.

It does seem that miracles and such are usually a fulfilment of prophecy and not for all time. Even the demons in Mt. 8 know that there is an appointed time that God's kingdom will fully come and they will be finally cast out in one fell swoop. Which to me implies that some demons between Jesus first and second comings will be around. Acts 2 speaks of wonders and signs and Peter's own explanation is that "this is that," iow: this that you see happening is a direct fulfillment of that which God spoke about way back when. That may still mean it's beginning point, but the bible does seem to indicate that those things were for a designated time period. You don't see the later books of the N.T. dealing so much with tongues and miracles.

2. What about the Prayer of Faith? My issue is that the whole point of faith is it's object. Once I begin thinking God didn't answer my prayer, take away that issue, solve such and such, because my faith wasn't strong enough, then I miss the point of faith. My faith is in Jesus. The point of faith is it's object, Jesus. "Do you believe that I AM ABLE TO DO THIS," He asks the blind men. My prayer for our friend has been that Jesus would raise her up in this life or the next, both of which I and many others strongly believe he can do. The key is the object. Jesus has the right and privelage to do what He deems best. That is why the Leper says, "If you are willing..." Jesus willed that our dear sister will be raised up in the next life and not in this one. He healed her from all her infirmities and carried her diseases.

3. God doesn't always answer immeadiately. Jesus asked his Father to take the cross away but he didn't. Jesus questioned why He was being forsaken and God didn't immeadiately answer. He was silent. His answer would come later in the resurrection. The Father raised him from the dead through the Spirit. One day the object of our faith will return at the appointed time (it is in stone, the demons say) and with one fell swoop He will conquer his enemies and my sin will be one of them. He will calm the storm of my heart, excorcise the demon of pride, raise my lowly body and clothe it with immortality.

4. Sometimes God likes us better with our sin. What??? A friend of mine encouraged another friend of mine with these words after he shared a longtime struggle with him. He responded, "Maybe God likes you better with your struggle." John Newton once wrote a glorious hymn that rips my misconceptions of God to pieces. It's worth cutting and pasting:

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith and love and every grace
Might more of His salvation know
And seek more earnestly His face

Twas He who taught me thus to pray
And He I trust has answered prayer
But it has been in such a way
As almost drove me to despair

I hoped that in some favored hour
At once He'd answer my request
And by His love's constraining power
Subdue my sins and give me rest

Instead of this He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart
And let the angry powers of Hell
Assault my soul in every part

Yea more with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Cast out my feelings, laid me low

Lord why is this, I trembling cried
Wilt Thou pursue thy worm to death?
"Tis in this way" The Lord replied
"I answer prayer for grace and faith"

"These inward trials I employ
From self and pride to set thee free
And break thy schemes of earthly joy
That thou mayest seek thy all in me,
That thou mayest seek thy all in me."

I hope this does sound a bit "academic." What? I thought we didn't want to come off that way? Well, Jesus says we are to love God with our mind and Paul says "zeal without knowledge is dead" and "be transformed by the renewing of your minds..." My thinking needs help, that's what I'm saying. I need to understand more of my Savior and His words. And, this isn't theoretical. We have been in the hospital on several occasions, once with a son fighting for his life. The academic became life reality. Jesus took what He had stored up in our minds and hearts and breathed life into it. I can't say that before or since then we've had so much hope and faith because somehow, through him, not in our strength - He gave Himself to us. I'm sure if I would have looked at "my faith" if would have been lacking. But, by His grace He fixed our eyes on Him, the author and perfecter of our faith.

Baptism

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 11:32:17 -0500

Baptism. What's the deal? I have more students without Christian backgrounds asking me about baptism. In some ways this is a great thing. They don't have some of the Christian baggage and they have lots of questions. And, they instinctively know that if they are going to become a Christian then something must signify it, set it apart, a bar-mitzvah of sorts. With this in mind I'm going to try and hit what I think the bible is getting at with baptism.

It's a coming out of the closet statement. It's a person's declaration that "I'm throwing in my lot with these crazy people." I have learned alot by watching my students wrestle with this. They instinctively know that it's a big deal to become a Christian, that they will take some things on the chin, that they are not the same people they were and they know they must do something outward to declare it. They realize they are IDENTIFYING with a new family and they must ackowledge before others that reality.

It's a birthday party and a tatoo! What do I mean? Why does it have to be public? Why not just a private decision kept to oneself? Why not just share it with a small group of friends? For the same reason we don't open gifts in private, put candle on cakes to be seen only by a few (in some cases we do but who argues against big parties???). We are humans which means we are more than minds or souls. We have bodies that like to flesh out what we believe inside. The reason we do something outwardly (pour water, dunk, sprinkle, splash, squirt...) to signify an inward reality is that, again, we are human! We don't see chickens getting tatoos or cows (unless done by humans). When we join a team we want what? The team logo. We buy jackets, shirts, accessories. When we join a fraternity we are identified by letters. When we are married we give rings. When we listen to emo music we dress accordingly. We baptize because God's love has been indellibly tatooed on us. We must show outwardly what he has done.

We baptize because it's a better option than circumcision! Old school believers pre-Jesus understood this. When you signed a covenant you did all sorts of things to signify it: you erected pillars of rocks, you cut parts of your body, you swore verbally... When God inititated a relationship it was literally known as "cutting" a covenant. God's outward picture to illustrate this to His people was the actual cutting of the flesh. What? Why would we do that? And, worse, it was the cutting of the male penus. Why in the world would he do that? Couple reasons to ponder: 1. It was God's way of saying that there are no private parts. I'm your "all or nothing" God. There are no secret, hidden places. My grace will get inside the deepest places of who you are. 2. It incapacitated men. Men seem to have a harder time with weakness in my experience. Women will sign up for prayer groups in droves. Men, you have to twist their arms. They don't want to pray. They don't want to show they aren't strong. Once, God was bringing His people to a special land He had promised. He parted a river to help them out. There they were with a river to their backs and a walled city in front of them (Jericho - the first obstacle to the promised land). And, by the way, God told them their men weren't circumcised and they needed to do it asap. Why didn't He say something before they crossed the river? Surely they would be "under the weather" for several days, totally vulnerable. What was God getting at? This sign reminds you that it is not about you and your strength. It's about me and my great arm of salvation. Rest and recover and I'll take care of things.

Why not circumcision today? The simplest answer is that it's too bloody and painful. It was another Old Testament teaser to the coming reality of one who would get bloodied and endure pain so that God's grace could literally be poured out on weak people. Why not celebrate that in some way? Why not show that God's love purifies, cleanses our consciences, make us new and acceptable to God? Why not get rid of the stain of guilt and the mess of blood. The power of the blood is shown in the shower of water we call baptism. There's much more to baptism, but I hope this is a good start!

Sodom, IPhones and Communion

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:36:43 -0400

I remember during studying for my ordination (the body of Christ confirming God's call on me through character and bible testing - a good thing) one of my peers who was on the examination committee asked what the sin of Sodom was. I thought to myself, "Is this a trick question?" I responded, "Homosexuality?" "No, it was actually being greedy, overfed and not concerned for the poor," he stated. I went home that night and googled (did we call it that 10 years ago?) the words: Sodom, greed, poor, and guess what? He was right! Ezekiel the prophet had much to say about the "Sin of Sodom." That has stuck with me for years.

The other night one of my children said she wanted a job so she could get internet on her phone. I lost it! I went crazy with passion and fervor condemning the american mindset of excess, greed and the like. I was technically right. Why would a Christian spend 30$ a month on internet on thier phone while ignoring the poor? Do we really need more internet options? GPS? That great new phone? After my seething mellowed I apologized for bringing my daughter to near tears. My greed of being right and righteous, my overfed anger and my lack of compassion for my poor daughter amazed me. I was a complete rearend.

Later at dinner she asked me a great question: Dad, when is it ok to get internet on your phone? When have we given enough away to justify having the excess (in so many words). She meant it completely innocently. I responded that Jesus doesn't give us a list of rules, do's and don't but does give us a new heart that learns self-control, learns that we don't "deserve" all the excesses anymore than we deserve his love and that the more the gospel melts us the more we will see our hearts turning outward, asking for ways to give away money, time and service. We will learn to give up, deny self, lose life not bc we are trying to win God's approval, or to even out our spending, but bc He has given EVERYTHING FOR US, that which are reminded of every week when we read, "His body given for you..."

Rush or Not to Rush, That is the Question

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 15:20:00 -0400

Soriority recruitment, formerly known as rush is under way. I did it - well, at least the other version. Over the past couple days I've witnessed spiffed up after spiffed up females between 18-20 parade around campus, cheering, singing, marching. Perfumes I never knew existed exist. It's like walking through that section in the Department Store as a kid holding your nose. Why do we do it? I did it. Why?

In my case I did it because I wanted friends. In my case I did it because I was scared. I was scared and lonely and didn't think I'd make friends, at least not as quickly as I could by joining a fraternity. I went to school determined not to join a fraternity, defined by not having to do so. After a few days and lots of positive pressure to join I gave in and went to party after party where I was showered with compliments and promises. I was sharp (not bragging - hey, I got most sophisticated and most trendy my senior year) and the school I attended only had three legitimate fraternities. If you were a half-sharp guy you got noticed. I was also insecure and loved the fact that all three apparantly gave me approval and recognition. I chose the one I thought was most "different." After a year or so I was converted and became a follower of Jesus. I thought it best to stay in the fraternity to "influence change" and keep friends. That's what Jesus did. He didn't destroy institutions. He makes his people salt and light within and for the world. I did resign as social chairman because I couldn't plan spring break orgies anymore (that's overstating it, maybe?). I remained and made myself keymaster, making sure folks got rides from parties and made it home safe. Then, the problem arose. I met real community and a real person I wanted to marry. I found real friends who didn't prop up each others insecurities but actually challenged and inspired each other. I'm not saying this can't happen in Greek life, it just wasn't happening in mine and I was longing for it. And, I didn't need the parties anymore. I had a wife to prepare for - a wedding to pay for - a life to grow up for and dues were in the way.

The hardest part though was what then we called blackballing. When I was active and it came time for pledges to rush I realized how it worked. We judged them according to certain criteria: coolness, looks, smarts, athleticism, status, etc...If you were not fit enough to survive you were, uh, sorry, cut out of the evolutionary process. That's right, you were cut.

I have a friend here who works with the Greeks and he graciously allows me to be involved at times. He does a great job trying to undermine the wrong things and encourage the right things. I'm thankful he's here. I'm thankful he lets me get in there and stir the pot at times. The truth is there is a place you can be accepted and loved not for how beautiful you are or any status you have AND there is a community that attempts to believe that. It's the church and that's why Jesus calls us brothers because it's a brotherhood based not on race, color, tribe, gifts, nationality, greek or non-greek but based on the gospel - the good new that we are measured up based on what Jesus did and who he is and not on what we do or who we are. It's exclusive - you can't get in if you don't acknowledge your unfitness to get in. It's inclusive - if you do acknowledge your unworth you receive his worth. It's that worth that frees you to live without the approval of others. So, whether you get blackballed or accepted by men, it doesn't matter. It is not what defines you. Jesus does.

Organized Religion?

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 11:28:06 -0400

I saw a book the other day called Why We Love the Church: In Praise of Institutions and Organized Religion. I haven't read it yet but I will. It seems to me after 10 years of college ministry there is a tenor of disdain for organized religion. What does Jesus think of Organized Religion? Did He organize a religion? Did he go to church? Does he like the chruch? Does Jesus "love Jesus and hate the church"? Does he agree with the sentiment that I can love God but stay in bed on Sunday mornings? What does he think about all the showiness and ritual and tradition? Where would he be on Sundays? Would he avoid potlucks? Baptisms? The Lord's Supper - oh, I guess he has to be at that one since it's in His honor? Would he dress up?

Growing up in a very "churchy church" it's a small miracle I am a minister. I hated church and all things churchy. I hated organs, pianos, preaching, hymns, pews (I even scratched teeth marks in one out or boredom), dressing up (couldn't stand blue blazers in the South), invitaions, but I did like potlucks for the record.

There is a big push, almost bragging rights, a mantra of "non-denominational" or "inter-denominational" or "we just believe in Jesus here but will never form a committee, enact discipline, or tell you anything doctrinal you may disagree with" churches. Some of this has been fed from the christian Jack Kerouacs making their mark. Even in the church plant I'm involved in I helped institutionalize (irony of ironies) the phrase we throw around like a frisbee - Being the Church vs. Having a Church. Hey, I believe in the church invisible, unviersal and organic and that appeals to me way more than the chruch visible, local and organized.

Here's the problem and I will throw out many spontaneous (since that is valued so among us):

Jesus founded the church, he organized it with officers, structure, discipline, accountability way beyond the local body much less a few individuals agreeing on something in thier living room, chalked it with sacraments and songs, mission and methods. He built the dang thing and said not even the strogest strong man can destroy it. He went to church when he was alive. He sat under teaching - bad teaching that was moralistic and missed the point (Him!). He sang a traditional hymn and followed rituals he created. He created the office of preaching and said that faith can't exist without it. He even put up with Pharisees and Teachers of the law (said hard things he was qualified to say - we want to say things without ever earning the qualifications to say them). He wept over hypocrisy and ultimately died for it all the while warning us to turn from it or be damned. What strikes me is when I find a good critic of organized religion if I sniff enough I will usually find a hypocrite. I don't need accountability (if I had it I might be forced to quit masturbating or sleeping around). I don't need preaching (if I had it I might have to turn from my idols and deny myself instead of denying myself nothing). I don't need traditions, much less old hymns sung badly (but I'll stand up for the 7th inning stretch and sing with a bunch of people I don't know badly).

Look - I am all for reforming the Church - hence "REFORMED University Ministries." I am all for crossing denominational lines. I am all for killing bad traditions and fighting for the gospel to be recovered in dead churches. But, I am not for throwing the baby out with the bath water, ignoring scripture, denying Jesus just so we can live however we want.

Are you bored with church? Maybe it's your heart. Are you tired of hypocrisy? Maybe you are a hypocrite. Do you hate singing? You make music to someone. Do you hate God's people? He doesn't and He promises to be with them whenever they get together, even when it's a called meeting. I think that is called orgainzed.

Did Jesus like Orgainzed Religion? Read the book and I bet they say it much better than I ever could!

The Cat Doesn't Listen

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 08:17:05 -0400

Our cat, like all cats, doesn't come when you call. I haven't had a cat since childhood when we had two cats affectionately named Big and Little. Big was the larger, Little was smaller. Big was white and black, Little was gray and black. They both came home after a long night with cuts on their front paws. If my memory serves me they both came when I called. We would shreik, "Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty...Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty..."

Several folks have told me cats don't come when you call. They may come when they see you going towards their bowl or rattling the food bag or they may chase yarn, but they won't come when you call. Artemis, the cat formerly known as Tilley, rescued from the clutches of the needle has fullfilled the prophecy. She doesn't come. No matter what I do or say she doesn't come. I can call and call and she won't even acknowledge my presence. Just a minute ago Artemis came breezing through and paused near me. I said her name, stuck my hand out, made cat noises, said, "Here, Kitty, Kitty..." No response. She looked to her left and did an about face and left the room.

We have been studying Elijah and Elisha. Over and over God is calling his people back to him. Some get it, they hear, they acknowledge His grace. Others, get mauled by bears, refuse to listen, make excuses. He sends armies, prophets, does miracles. Nothing. No ears. Spiritual deafness. I have thought alot about this because I deal with an array of students. Students who will listen and dialogue about the gospel, they will even taste and see that the Lord is good, they will peak through the door to see what's going on, but, they won't repent. Their hearts (at least for a time) are hard. They choose the wide path. They won't come in, they won't eat and digest.

The other night of her own accord Artemis jumped up in my lap. I didn't call her or even know she was in the room She just appeared and jumped onto my chair and snuggled up next to me. This is my hope. One day, God will do such a work, that students who can't hear now, will not only hear, but dance and sing and find themselves in the bosom of the Father.

The Hardest Person to Love

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 08:03:32 -0400

I don't have trouble getting students interested in caring about orphans in Africa (which they should). Even my kids get this. My daughter asked me last night, rather, told me that we need to support a child in Africa. I said that was a good idea but how about them (our children) doing it instead of Daddy writing a check they never saw or supported. "I don't make enough money. I don't have a job. My allowance isn't enough..."

Recently we did an overnighter at the local Housing Authority. It was a near disaster. I had one of the longest weeks of my life following a weekend of moving in our new home. I didn't plan for our "Mercy Weekend" to be the very next weekend but that is how it ended up. I had a meeting in Tennessee that morning and hustled back, grabbed my gear, headed to the meeting place where I thought I'd meet about 12 students who till then had written their name on a piece of paper but showed very little interest in serving children or elderly in our community. They weren't opposed to it, just not grabbing the bull by the horns. Neither was I when one student was there to meet me. Fifteeen minutes passed. Twenty. I began throwing thunder bolts and curses, admitting my anger. My student was silent. Come to find out later, he was mad, too! Eventually several more students showed up, threw their weight and hearts into it and did a great job simply being normal and not "helping those poor people." They were themselves and rubbed shoulders very naturally with those we worked with. After a night of poker where I crushed all invovled my heart was restored.

I was reading recently in John when Jesus is on the cross. In the midst of carrying our weight and shouldering our sin he does the unthinkable - he rescues a widow who is about to lose her son. He asks John to care for his mother and he does. He takes her into his own home, no questions asked. Jesus doesn't ask him to care for all the widows in the world or solve the problem of poverty (the poor you will always have with you). He asks him to care for his mother in the faith and sister in Christ right beside him. Eventually the church would, as a body, care for the needs right under their noses. Fanning out a bit they would catch other needs in their midst. But, the gospel always calls us to stop overlooking our neighbor, our enemy, our sister, our brother, our parents, our children, our bosses, our roommates. At least in my meager 38 years these are the hardest to love especially when the need is great and their are religious things I'd rather attend to over at the Temple.

My dreams are that students will love their roommates, the kids God places them next to in class, the loser nobody sits with at lunch, the parent who annoys them, the Church where he has them, the needs right down the street and across continents. But, it is always a beautiful thing to see it happen right under our noses!

Baby Jesus is Missing

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 08:46:09 -0500

Another good one from Newton. After school:

"How was school today?"

"Good. We did our stations. One station had the manger stuff. We played with Mary and Joseph and the animals but there was no baby Jesus."

"No baby Jesus?"

"Yeah, he was missing."

I thought about all the ways I could abuse that in a sermon. "What's missing this year in Christmas is Jesus!" "What gest lost in the merriment is the infant Jesus!" I could guilt peopel into "putting Jesus back in the center of Christmas." It is named after him after-all!

Which brings up a question I've always wrestled with: How do I put Jesus back in Christmas? How do I put Jesus at the center of anything? HE ALREADY IS! I can't put Jesus anywhere in the first place. He is where He wants to be. And one place the bible says he always occupies is the throne. He is before all things, in all things, above all things. He is putting his enemies under his feet until he returns. Whether I acknowledge it is one thing, but it doesn't make it less true. He is glorious, he is in the center, he is the Lion of the tribe of Judah and the slain Lamb. What I think, where I put him (as if I could) really makes no differecne. Even my "putting him anywhere" is impossible unless he puts himself there first. That is what the Bible says. I'm not making it up.

It really bugs me when I hear people say "ask Jesus into your heart" or "accept Jesus" or "let Jesus..." A Jesus that impotent, who's throne is a bit brittle is not a Jesus I really would ask "into my heart." A Jesus who was rich and full of glory and honor who changed to swim in ambionic fluid, who morphed into an infant of a poor family with a mother of ill reputation, who shut his mouth for years not saying a word about who he really was and gave himself up to religious and power-hungry men (without saying much then either except for something about coming back with his angels in glory), who was raised from the dead and ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of his Father and will come back with ACDC-like racket to give us as a spotless bride and rich inheritance to his Father...now that's a Jesus I want to change my heart, to accept me, to let me in His kingdom.

Time to open some gifts in his honor!

God Always Says No

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 07:56:11 -0500

As most of you know we have been living in a rental for the past year and a half while trying to buy a house. In this whole process there have been no options - nothing to get excited about, nothing to remotely consider. A few weeks ago we came across a contender and actually offered low which influenced them to drop there high price. Yesterday we took Newton to see the house while a couple handymen measured and figured what it would cost to update it. He really liked it and enjoyed showing Brian and Missy's daughter around. It even has a small pool (sort of like a large whirlpool!).

Last night after dropping off a few kids Newton asked, "Dad, why does God always say, 'No?'"
"What do you mean?" I asked, ready for a good one.
"He always says 'No' when we look at a house," he responded.
I tried to sound profound and theological, giving my 5 year old something he could quote one day, "I don't know why God says, 'No' but often he says 'No.'"
He kept going, "He's gonna say 'No' on this house."
"How do you know?" I asked.
He replied, "Because I feel it."
[Pause]
"What? You feel it? How do you feel it?" I inquired.
"I just feel it. He's gonna say 'No.'" He answered.
I had to know so I asked, "Where did you get that theology?"
"From Mom," he answered.

I'm sure he got the pessimism from me and he sure didn't get the "I Feel therefore It's True" from Mommy. It did remind me that sometimes God simply says 'No.' He's been saying it for over a year and a half. I've been thinking alot about the refinement that 'No' brings and am beginning to wonder how I avoid God's grace in the negative? He said 'No' to His Son for a far more redemptive reason than all the religious sages could've imagined. He says 'No' to His people in discipline to reclaim and refine them. He's saying 'No' to us and He does love us. Sometimes He says, 'No.'

Failure

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 14:18:46 -0400

Why do we hate failure? At the beginning of the semester I asked my students what sort of social activities would they like to do. They answered resoundingly, "Kickball." Our last semester ended with a great kickball game and the enthusiasm obviously poured over to this year. So, plan a kickball game I did.

I dubbed it the "Biggest Kickball Game Ever." We invited another group on campus to join us. There will be pizza. I had been announcing it for three weeks. I've even joked about bringing others to offset my insecurities about planning a party and no-one showing up. The day before the big game I re-announced the game to my group (5 were missing). "How many can come?" I asked. A few hands went up. "Seriously, how many can come? " One more hand went up.

The thing is no-one is maliciously "not coming." They have previous commitments, work, homework, class. I should be encouraging their normal life pariticipation. Instead, all I can do is gloomily moan that no-one is going to be there.

Why do I hate small numbers? Why do I equate success with size? Why do we equate failure with low participation? Why do we expect the gospel to be popular even if there is pizza involved? Why do we buy rock-bands, bow before clever preaching, and hand-out programs by the dozens?

Jesus died on a cross, alone, rejected. The church began in a small room with several very afraid and confused followers. Why can't I trust God that he will start this ministry, grow it, and produce His kingdom like He said he would, behind the scenes, in small ways, over time, including failure? Why can't I embrace failure when often, right beneath the surface lies the real kingdom of God moving onward?

Where is Thy Sting?

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 12:16:42 -0400

After a long battle, over three months in the hospital, several strokes and a heart attack, cancer, and more, Aimee's grandmother died last Friday. She was in her late 80's, had lost her own husband years before and had her wit till the end. It was a long but good weekend. The funeral took place in Greenwood, Ms. in the heart of the Mississippi Delta where she and her husband of almost 50 years farmed just miles from the graveyard. Death has a sting. There is no way around it. Someone you love is gone. Their life on this earth is over.

I think often about death. I think about how as a child life seemed so very long. The days went on for ever. As an adult we are characterized by busyness. The days are full. We don't have time to think if life is short or long. We tend to children, get to different activities, do our responsibility. Then, someone dies. Death intterupts us. We put everything on hold and bury the dead. For a short couple hours we pause to remember what the Bible says, "Life is a vapor, a breath. Our days are short. We are like the flowers of the field, full of glory one day, fading and dying the next. Eighty years is considered a long life. From dust we came and to dust we will return."

If we are not careful, we will move on too quickly, not sobered but over death. Moving on to the next activity, only to find ourselves in the hospital bed staring death in the face. No more children to put to bed, no more diapers, no more dishes to do, no more grass to mow, no more houses to buy, no more work to do, only a constant depreciation, a constant slipping into the hands of death.

I've often noticed at funerals we are so intent on "figuring out where someone was with God." We want assurance. Did they have faith? Did they believe? Make a profession? We care. We want to know. What I would rather know is did God have me? Am I in His strong hands? Did He profess me to be his child? Was their fruit of his work in my life? I am comforted to know that "salvation is of the Lord" and that I am in his care.

The ceremony was moving. Mostly because the words of man were few and the words of God were many. Both ministers (we may not need ministers now but we want them at death) bled scripture. It leaked out. One older minister had his bible opened but scripture so had hold of him he never looked down. It had crept itself into his heart and mind and poured over to us.

We drove to where Aimee's grandmother spent most of her adult life. It was an oasis of green in the middle of cotton fields just outside Tchula, Ms. Three houses still remained. Some of Papa's garden still survived. Much was more run-down according to Aimee's mother. It had seen it's better day but it still echoed of yet a better day. It was past it's prime but called out that there was a day coming that will be our prime. God has such a sweet plan in mind. Tchula, Ms. will be redeemed. Cotton will be whiter than white. Graveyards will erupt with the same joy Lazarus' sisters had. Tombs will open. Celebration will triumph. This earth will be our eternal home with no more kudzu (at least in such corrupt abundance), no more mosquitos (at least no more blood-sucking), no more anger at my children for silly stuff, no more addictions, no more fears and no more tears.

I am happy for every funeral I attend. Remind us, O Lord, to number our days.

Bricks

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 22:47:39 -0400

Recently a student I met asked me if I owned a grill. I said I did and explained how fond of grilling I was. I asked why he wanted to know. He said his student organization, BMW (Black Men of Western) was having a cook-out and they needed a grill. I said I'd be happy if they used my grill. Then I asked if they needed a cook. Rashad (the student) replied, "Yes, we sure do." I signed up for the job.

After enlisting Brian to help we showed up with grill, cooler, tent and assorted items in the back of our church bus (1986 Toyota 4x4 donated to our church). We probably cooked over 100 burgers and dogs and fed as many. It was a privelage to be there. Many students were grateful for our being there and we enjoyed meeting several of them for the first time.

There was music. Somehow BMW managed a great deal of music equipment (52$) and it was loud. They noticed we were a bit older and moved the speakers away from our path and made inquiries as to whether there was too much cussing for us. One of the songs had a catchy beat and the refrain went something like this: "Bricks...Bricks...something, something, Bricks..." I really liked it and asked a few of the guys what the whole "bricks" thing was about. They tried to suppress laughter and sort of avoided the question. I asked if it was a sexual thing, and they laughed and said it wasn't. Finally, one guy said, "I think it's talking about the projects. Some people call the projects "Bricks." I was satisfied and thought to myself how creative and simple that was all at the same time.

A week later (tonight) we had a student drop by to visit. He's a great guy whom we've grown fond of over the last year. His name is DeShaun Davis. He's from Louisville and has taught me much about R&B, Usher, Old School Michael Jackson, not to mention his upbringing, family, honesty and basketball. He's the only person to ever beat me 15-0! I relayed to him my conversation about Bricks and told him how interesting that was too me and creative, etc... He laughed and told me that wasn't what Bricks meant at all. He said they probably didn't want to tell me what it really meant. Finally he graciously let me in that "Bricks" meant "Bricks of Cocaine." "Oh," I said.

Which led me to think several things: Why wouldn't those guys tell me the truth? Why does DeShaun? It made me realize what a privelage it is to have a student from a total different world who can "translate" the gaps that exist and help me to understand. It made me appreciate someone who will be honest with me about real life and not the Christian Bubble we like to live in. Everytime I talk to DeShaun I think how the Psalms and the rest of the Bible probably make alot more sense to him. My middle-class, suburban life is rather abnormal compared to the rest of the world. I need to understand the world of "Bricks" a bit better. Jesus did come into the world not to condemn it (that will come in time) but to save it (Brick-pushers included). What am I here for? Who does my world include? Whose world am I being invited into?

Tilley the Cat II

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 11:55:53 -0400

Tilley thinks she can hide. She likes to hide. She runs from you if she thinks you want to get near her. Only on occassions does she really like to snuggle. Usually she tears off and scoots under the bed which had become her favorite hiding place. Sometimes you can find her under a chair or table, we've even found her under a dresser!

When Newton comes home he immediately does reconnaissance for the cat. Then, search and "rescue." He combs the downstairs, under beds, then heads upstairs where she is often found sunning in the girls bedroom window. A few days ago he couldn't find her. He enlisted my help. We headed upstairs - no Tilley. We looked in the office - no Tilley. We headed to our bedroom to look under the bed. We quickly noticed a lump under the covers. Tilley had found her way underneath the bedspread and planted herself where she was convinced she couldn't be seen! In her mind she was hidden. She was safe in her estimation. No-one would see her. The absurdity of it all was the lump under the covers. Of course we could see her! The lump gave her away.

This is a parable of my life. I think I'm safe and hidden. I try my best not to be exposed before God or men. I hide all my deficiencies and attempt to cover all my sins. But, there is always a lump! I'm the lump! I'm a walking picture of needing God and don't want to admit it.

The grace of the gospel is that God sees our lumps, knows we're hiding and graciously pursues us. He provides covering for our lumps and gives a spotless life that allows us to honestly admit we have spots. The gospel is everything. My cat continues to teach me.

Tilley the Cat

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 09:36:07 -0400

We have a cat named Tilley. My youngest daughter Chloe stayed on us for months. One night after eating at our favorite, cheap Mexican restaurant the kids went next door to a pet store. This particular store was the final stop for Shelter animals. If they didn't find an owner then the next step was the needle. By the time Aimee and I walked in the store Chole had focused in on one particular cat about 6 months old. She was a beautiful, buff color and stood out from the rest. She was not oversized or overhairy. I was attrated, I admit, but also determined not to give in. Then, we saw the sign. Above her cage it read, "URGENT" and underneath that, "SPECIAL, HALF PRICE NOW!"

What's a man to do? Of course I knew her fate if we didn't rescue her. Yes, there were some cute things about her. But, what sold me more than any was her status. She was caged and bound for destruction (to put it frankly) and she had an advocate who was in love with her and wanted her free (Daddy, pleeeeaaaase...) Now, Tilley the Cat is a member of our family. She roams with ease, gets in trouble, makes messes in her litter-box and is endeared to all of us. Sometimes she's fussy and scratches you, occassionaly she wants to snuggle. She loves to be noticed.

I am amazed at how much this has been a picture of Redemption for me. I am teaching through Abraham this semester and am overwhelmed with God's pursuing, reaching, finding, never-ending, blessing, I'm gonna love you no matter what redemption. He is set on blessing Abraham and He is set on blessing the world. The phrase Redemption Junkie blurted out of my mouth the other night with no forethought. That's what He is! He is a Redemption Junkie, addicted to our good. I think I would be a bit less cynical and pessimistic, a bit slower to anger, a bit more gracious with others if this drug got in my veins.